vintagesoul

Prison Rules: As complete as I could make 'em

Prison rules
1. NO FANDOM FIGHTS: You are only allowed to start fights with regular prisoners if and only if they bash your fandom(s).
2. We all have one thing in common: gay pairings. Remember this when someone acts up.
3. Gay fanart workshop time is bonding time: Play nice and kindly help others if they ask for it.
4. Sherlock fandom: we would like to ask you to turn your cries off after 11pm. However this rule doesn't apply on Sunday. No wearing sheets around the prison. People are starting to feel violated.
5. Doctor Who fandom: We know bananas are high in potassium. Leave it. Also your screwdriver is not sonic and will be confiscated.
6. Supernatural fandom: please do not take all the salt from the cafeteria.
7. Fans are allowed to be in more than one fandom, do not seclude them if they do.
8. Harry Potter fandom: That is not a wand, it is a stick, and it is not allowed indoors.
9. Glee fandom: Those prison guards are not secretly a couple, stop shipping everything.
10. Darren Criss fandom: The furniture is for SITTING/SLEEPING on, not jumping, so please refrain from doing so.
11. Doctor Who fandom: No breaking out, you're not River Song and this isn't Storm Cage
12. AtLA fandom: Zutarans and Kataangers to stop infighting immediately. We're all in this together. Also fake bending battles to be confined to rec time please, you're weirding out the guards.
13. Furnace Fandom: There are no such things as Wheezers, you're scaring the other inmates with your weird stories.
14. Glee fandom: Please stop crafting shivs while glaring menacingly at other shippers after every ship war you guys have. It's getting ridiculous and they're really starting to pile up.
15. Pirates of the Caribbean fans: please do not steal the emergency supply of rum.
16. X-Men First Class fandom: stop destroying all the cleaning buckets, they won't look like that damn helmet anyway
17. Amnesia fandom: You're not in the prison level, there is no need to hide in dark corners and cry for your lantern. You are freaking out your inmates.
18. Hunger Games fandom: No forcing each fandom to select a champion to send in battle against one another.
19. My Little Pony fandom: Love and Tolerate the shit out of EVERYONE.
20. Whedonites: Don't be afraid to like the other prisoners. Joss can't kill them off in here.
21. Batman fandom: Stop stealing the Whovian's lipstick. You are not the Joker.
22. Twilight fandom: Don't pick fights with the Harry Potter fans in the cafeteria. You cannot slay them with sparkles.
23. Wholockians: You can't insist we pray to Moffat during religious services. Your prayers do not appease him or his troll Gatiss. Also, We don't know how you got on the roof (or how you have jars of jam) But please stop attempting to jump off the roof claiming the doctor will catch you in the TARDIS.
24. Firefly fandom: Those aren't coats. Those are blankets you've fashioned to look like coats. Stop it! ...It's the middle of winter and we don't have the budget for this.
25. Buffy fandom: No, we aren't going to establish a policy of exposing every staff member and inmate to sunlight on a daily basis 'just to make sure'. And no, you can't all work in the woodshop making 'stakes'. Sorry, those are just wooden shivs.
26. Portal and Stargate Fandoms: Your cellmates do not appreciate the chalk circles you keep drawing on the walls. Besides, for it to work you’d have to have the end of the wormhole be on the outside of the prison. Unless you are just sneaking into the kitchen.
27. Skyrim Fandom: Stop calling people “milk-drinkers”. You don’t even know what that MEANS. Also no-one wants to hear about your knee.
28. White Collar Fandom: Pretty sure the guards are looking out for that escape technique by now. You’re never going to grow a convincing beard anyway.
29. Princess Bride: You are NOT Inigo Montoya, your father is upset that you are in jail, and if you quote this again you should prepare to die.
30. Golden Compass: No one else can see your daemon, so it’s kind of freaking people out that you talk to it so much.
31. Temeraire: The egg you get at breakfast is hard boiled. It will never hatch into a dragon, and hoarding them under your pillow won’t change that. Cut it out, they are starting to smell.
32. Dr. Horrible: Actually, the freeze ray you are making out of matchsticks looks quite cool. You may proceed. But hitting on other people on laundry day is unacceptable.
33. Battlestar Galactica: Just because they’re not in your fandom doesn’t make them Cylons! They would appreciate it if you stopped quizzing them on human emotions.
34. House: It COULD be Lupus. But I think you’re getting the prison doctor, not House, to check it out.
35. Mad Men: Um, no, you can’t act like that because we don’t live in the 60’s anymore. Put out that cigar and stop groping the buxom ladies.
36. Vampire Diaries: Stop trying to kill the Twilight fans. You started the whole romanticizing thing, so it’s partially your fault!
37. Song of Ice and Fire: No matter how much you petition the parole board, they will never transfer you to “the Wall”
38. IT Crowd: After you make the necessary jokes, you really should fix the computer. How else will the fanfiction get written?
39.Tin Tin: Pretending to get drunk on the water is not that funny.
40. Monk: Please share your neurotic tendencies only with those who give permission. Organizing people’s cells when they are out in the yard is likely to get you punched.
41. South Park: Just because his name is Kenny doesn’t give you the right to kill him! Also he is not a cartoon. Put the prisoner down.
42. Slenderfandom: No we are not proxies trying to torment you. Put down that camera and knife right now.
43. M*A*S*H: You are no longer permitted in the arts and crafts room if you keep attempting to preform surgery on the tables.
44. [Prototype]: Stop trying to eat the inmates! You will not gain memories or their appearance by doing so.
45. inFAMOUS: You are no longer allowed near any electrical equipment. We've lost a lot of your type because you kept sticking forks in the sockets trying to gain its energy.
46. Kingdom Hearts: We are not Heartless, we are not Nobodies. Put down that broomstick, it is not a keyblade.
47. Homestuck: You are not allowed near the gray face paint anymore. We will also be forced to remove a certain water holding container if you don't stop trying to have sex over top of them. It is unsanitary.
48. The Last Airbender: Stop snapping our silverware in half. It's not considered metalbending and if you continue, we will be forced to use plastic forks and knives again..
49. Holmestuck: John is not a homosexual, period.
50. Castle Fandom: Don't worry, I'd get you out.
51. Fullmetal Alchemist Fandom: Stop drawing transmutation circles on the floors in chalk. You are not alchemists.
52. Minecraft Fandom: Please refrain from digging up the dirt in the courtyard. It's starting to irritate the guards.
53. Fringe Fandom: Wait, where the fuck is the Fringe fandom? (Meanwhile, Fringe fans are chilling in another universe in an alternate timeline, rewatching season 12384132746946 of Fringe.)
54. Hoot Owls: Please don't eat all of our ice cream sandwiches supply in one night, you can't go to Walmart at 2 in the morning to buy more.
55. Assassin's Creed: Quit climbing shit, the guards will think you're trying to escape and shoot you down.
56. Directioners: Stop laughing at everything and stop shipping everyone.
57. Beliebers: If a Belieber gets in prison, he/she will immediately be executed.
58. Tangled: Stop stealing all the frying pans.
59. Star Wars fandom: We got it. We let the wookie win. Now stop waving your hands about. Your Jedi mind-tricks have no power here.
60. Star Trek fandom: It's worse than that it's physics, Jim. Just because that guard's name is Scotty, does not mean he will "beam you up." No....don't ask him...oh.....
61. Leverage Fandom: Please refrain from stealing from the guards, also please don't punch them, hack into the security system, or try to con guards into letting you out... Evil plotting isn't appreciated either. Also, when we say this prison is breakout proof, it IS breakout proof. Don't try to prove yourselves.
62. Torchwood fandom: His name is Jack. We understand. But he doesn't appreciate you shipping him with everything. He's not immortal and he's never been pregnant.
63. Misfits Fandom: Stop trying to hit the prison guards on the head with paint cans. They did not gain super strength and murderous intentions after being hit by lightning in a mysterious storm, and they are not out to get you. You won't be allowed in the arts and crafts room if this continues.
64. Portal fandom: Stop knocking down the security cameras. She is not watching you and you are only ruining expensive equipment.
65. The Creature Fandom: No you cannot take 'Sp00n' with you. It is just a spoon. Sp00n is a horse. Get it right.
66. Disney fandom: Your hair will never look like that, so quit trying. Not even if you style it with a fork. Also, we know it's hard, but please try to refrain from bursting into spontaneous song while we're trying to sleep. Not every time is time for a sing-a-long.
67. Jak and Daxter Fandom: Yes, you're in prison. No, you're not being experimented on in an attempt to create super soldiers. Even if you were, only the Mar line could survive anyway. Stop screaming bloody murder in your cells; it's scaring the other inmates and the guards.
68. Big Bang Theory fandom: You cannot procreate by eating too much Thai food, so stop making so damn much of it. You have no research capital, so you cannot be Batman. Furthermore, bazinga.
69. Dexter Fandom: No plastic wrap or sheeting allowed.
70. Bones Fandom: You may only talk between one another, as other inmates do not understand your constant scientific words or your social awkwardness.
71. Les Miserables: No, you cannot build a barricade against the other fandoms.
72. No.6 Fandom: You may befriend the rats that run around the cells, but don't try to turn them against other people, because they're probably scared of rats.
73. Tower Junkies: Please stop drawing doors on the ground in the Courtyard. You don't have the key.
74. Ao no Exorcist: Don't go telling people you're life story by showing them poorly drawn storyboards through the bars.
75. Starkid fandom: We're NEVER going to text you back. Now you dragged us into this?!
76. Inception fandom: Stop trying to kill us. We won't all wake up out of jail. We swear if someone had designed this prison, they'd have made it cleaner.
77. Darren Shan: You are not Vampires of Vampaeze stop fighting in the cafeteria and I assure you no one is going to pretend to be assaulted so that you can escape through the roof.
78. Discworld fandom: Lying around with I ATEN'T DEAD on a card is creepy. Your luggage isn't coming to bust you out and calling the guard we can't determine the species of Nobby is just pissing him off.
79. Once Upon a Time fandom: That book is just a book of fairy-tales you stole from the library, not proof that we're all fairy-tale characters. Also, stop trying to make contracts with the rest of the inmates. Not one of them will give you their first-born.
80. Merlin Fandom: Singing 'You Are The Voice' is forbidden from 10pm onwards. And stop trying to sneak out by hiding behind pillars and in adjacent hallways, our guards aren't that stupid.
81. Tsubasa Chronicles Fandom: Playing with feathers while outside is fine, but please refrain from brining them inside they're making a mess.
82. Kuroshitsuji/ Black Butler Fandom: You are not 'One Hell Of A Butler', you really are just a pedophile. Also stop stealing the forks and using them as weaponry.
84. Narnia fandom: That's not a wardrobe. It's a supply cabinet. Stop jumping out and yelling "For Narnia!" It's not clever.
85. Game of Thrones fandom: We know Winter is coming. It comes every year. Stop telling us. Also, stop huddling with the Whedonites, you can like us; Martin can't kill us in here.
86. LOTR fandom: That is someone's wedding ring. Not your precious.
87. NCIS Fandom: NO head-slapping other fandoms
88. Young Justice Fandom: Please use words we understand, we do not know what " Aster", "Whelmed", or " Traught" means. We are tired of guessing what you are trying to say.
89. Inherifamily: Please stop stealing the spoons and complimenting the guards' nails. It's creeping them out. Also, we have no idea why we're going to Vroengard so stop asking.
90. Mistborn Fandom: Stop eating the metal flakes, those are going to kill you. And please stop trying to make your creepy tassel cloaks from the ropes, we need those in the workshops.
91. Percy Jackson Fandom: Don't try to stab other inmates with a pen!
92. Smosh Fandom: There are no food battles in the cafeteria. Stop reading Ianthony fanfics. And stop taking all the pink frosted sprinkled donuts.
93. Single Cat Ladies of Tumblr: limit to 3 cats each, we don't have enough room for all 34 of your cats.
94. Divergent Fandom: For the last time, put DOWN the butterknives!
95. Teen Wolf Fandom: No biting the other Inmates. They do not want to be part of your pack.
96. Potterheads: The guards are not dementors. Stop trying to cast patronuses.
97. True Blood fandom: We're trying valiantly to understand your obsession with Alexander Skarsgard. Don't bite us.
98. Nerdfighters: We don't wish to be in your pants, no matter how funny that is to add to things. However, we promise to tell you DFTBA, if you promise to tell us the same.
99. Yogscast Fandom: No amount of diggy diggy will ever get you out.
100. Cabin Pressure Fandom: Calling everything brilliant all the time is getting on everyone's nerves, and please stop trying to steal the whiskey.
101.Sanctuary fandom: Not everyone is part of a government agency working to take down the Network.
102. Mass Effect fandom: Please stop 'calibrating'. You cannot be 'in the middle of some calibrations' every time someone tries to talk to you. And no, it cannot wait.
103. How I Met Your Mother fandom: Only 67 more seasons to go before you find out who the mother is. And stop requesting the highest of fives from the prison guards.
104. Zelda Fandom: No, you are not in the desert. You don't have a longshot, so quit trying to find an open window to escape out of.
105. Primeval Fandom: NO GUNS allowed, no matter how many times there's a dinosaur on the loose and you have to save the world. Also, take it easy on the sarcasm: And PLEASE stop keeping your radios on 87.6FM, it's getting annoying!
106. Shakespeare fandom: Stop trying to create a pile of dead bodies everywhere. Making everyone kill each other is not allowed. Homoeroticism is fine.
107. 39 Clues Fandom: No, you cannot get out of jail for good behavior by creating a bogus charity. And, for the love of God, stop singing "We Are Family" at 3am!
107. Psych Fandom: There is no need to bring your finger to your head everytime you have an idea for an escape route. Please stop asking the guards if they are fans of delicious flavor. Do not shout "SBPD!" while pretending to kick down the door from 10p.m. to 9 a.m. And please stop trying to kill the Mentalist fandom with pineapples.
108. The Mortal Instruments Fandom: The guard's tatoos are not runes, and he is not a shadowhunter. Also, please stop trying to give alliance runes to the twilight fandom.
109. The Infernal Devices Fandom: No, that stray cat outside is NOT Church, and you shouldn't be fighting with the Mortal Instruments fandom, even if you're trying to find out who's related to who. And it's perfectly acceptable for men and women to be in the same prison. This isn't Victorian era, sherlock.
110. Facade Fandom: Don't ask people to leave if they mention melons.
111. Death Note Fandom: You are not a genius nor are you a detective. Stop sitting like that and taking all the sweets.
112. Gundam Wing Fandom: For the love of god, stop tearing up people's paper and promising to kill anyone wearing pink. Please be mindful that the math textbooks do NOT need to be corrected to reflect "proper pairings." Also "Shinigami lives!" should not be shouted more than once a day.
113. Gargoyles Fandom: Stop shouting JALAPENO! every time they serve jalapenos in the cafeteria. The staff are discussing removing them completely and most of us rather like them.
114. Dresden Files Fandom: Shouts of "POLKA WILL NEVER DIE!" are banned after 11PM unless it is the night before Oktoberfest and/or you possess a resurrected T-rex.
115. 9-Tards: Your rag-dolls will not come to life no matter how hard you try. Also, stop getting ink all over the uniforms, you're not 6.
116. Alan Wake Fandom: For the love of Christ, we are not giving you any more batteries, and stop it with the narrating. We get it, you want to be like Stephen King, but you don't need to narrate every little thing you do. We can see you doing it.
117. Uncharted Fandom: No, you can not scale that wall and hop to the other successfully. Your arms are essentially made out of putty and we live in a world where physics don't get fucked.
118. Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fandom: We get it, you're funny and can make references to shit we've never heard of, that doesn't mean you mock the guards.
119. Foster Kids Fandom: Stop worshiping the mangoes in the prison kitchen they are not holy.
120. Victims: Please refrain from throwing gift baskets at the other inmates.
121. Hetalia fandom: you are not allowed to take over prison cells and claim your cell to be independent unless you form an alliance with ALL the fandoms to do so.
122. MCR Fandom: Don't be an asshole to the new prisoners just because you've been there longer. Some new prisoners actually have brains.
123. Pokemon fandom: Our cells are not pokeballs. You can't summon other fandoms to duel.
124. REBORN! Fandom: Just because the guards carry night-sticks stop asking them to bite you to death. That's not even a practical way to ask to be killed.
125. Dragon Age Fandom: This is not the Circle of Magi, this is prison. Escaping does not make you an "apostate," it makes you a fugitive, and will result in solitary confinement upon recapture. Also, please stop drawing red lines across your faces with permanent marker. You are not the Champion of Kirkwall and it just looks silly when it starts to fade.
126. Yu-Gi-Oh Fandom: You can only preach about the heart of the cards on Saturday.

vintagesoul

Prison Rules: As complete as I could make 'em

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